Twitter, sale whales and hardcore flocking
Twitter’s dynamic new ad service is … the same as pretty much every search engine’s. And then it might work a bit like Digg’s?
This is all very boring. Here are five better ideas.
SaleWhale
Every time Twitter goes down, the whale goes up. Why not sell the whale as ad space for limited-time online sales? Like Woot.com, but built on intermittent failure, with the extra addiction factor of being rewarded at random?
Pro: At least you’ll get to look at something new when Twitter tanks.
Con: DDOS attacks could be used to force sales.
GoFlockYourself
Twitter trains thousands of birds to repeat company names before releasing them into the wild. Imagine sitting in a park, feeding pigeons, and one of them looks at you and says “Orville Redenbacher!” A smart bird, a polite request or a paid advertisement? Seamless integration into society!
Pro: Might create thousands of new species for bird watchers, such as the Apple tit, the double-breasted Starbucks, the Red Robin red robin.
Con: Could not accept ads for adult businesses because of public obscenity laws.
Bird’s Bookworm
They’ll never win a Pulitzer like Hank Williams, but will 12-year-olds buy books that quote them using the same tags over and over again? Yes.
Pro: Could revive flagging interest in the print industry.
Con: Libraries would likely have to replace the biography section with Bieography to cover the massive influx of Bieber-related material.
TwitCliff
Twitter has trained an army of people to cram as much info into as little space as possible. Why not turn those hordes onto the classics, and finally cut those pesky tomes down to size and release them as study guides? Hell, here’s a freebie. This works for all Russian literature: I’m Russian. I’m lonely. I’m cold.
Pro: Potential royalty payments for content condensers.
Con: Cliff from Cheers might think you’re insulting him and punch you.
Twitterest
140 characters not enough? Why not pay a penny for an extra 10 characters, so you can squeeze in that #omgfml tag?
Pro: It…actually…hmm. You know, this one might work!
Con: Everyone will have that one guy who is cash rich but common-sense poor who will use it to post long, rambling things that no one…hey! Where are you going!?
Filed Under: Business • Humor • Marketing • Social Media • Twitter
