When the data is the social graph of 500 million people, there are a lot of lenses through which you can view it. One that piqued my curiosity was the locality of friendship. I was interested in seeing how geography and political borders affected where people lived relative to their friends. I wanted a visualization that would show which cities had a lot of friendships between them.

As an intern on Facebook’s data infrastructure engineering team, Paul was able to take all of this information and all of the friendships on Earth, and create a view of the world. We are all connected…

When I shared the image with others within Facebook, it resonated with many people. It’s not just a pretty picture, it’s a reaffirmation of the impact we have in connecting people, even across oceans and borders.

My only question is… where’s China?

High Resolution Image

Read his blog post for more.

Upon further debate, I was told that Chuck Klosterman originally posited such a thought.  And it turns out, the American-flavored pop culture obsession with these supernatural blood-friendly fiends has some major symbolic plasma to it.  Terms like “life-drainer” and “sex-crazed” were thrown out, Edward was defended (not Edward!) and suffice it to say, the vampire thoughts did not end there.

Well to get me thinking, I decided I would list the things that ARE wrong with America and see how our Twilight’s and True Blood’s stack up.  So here goes:

#1 thing wrong with America: Our dependence on non-renewable energy.

America: Um, well.
Vampires: Subsist off of human blood and there are upwards of 6.7 billion humans circa 2008 (a.k.a. True Blood Season 1).  Seems to be pretty darn renewable to me, I mean geez that’s a lot of humans!

#2 thing wrong with America: We’re kinda bullies, sometimes.

America: BP is from England—duh, (P.S. follow @BPGlobalPR for a laugh).  And war(s), what war(s)?  Did you see Kate Hudson’s boob job? Who is she kidding anyway?
Vampires: The Cullens live off of animal blood and Bill is mainstreaming TruBlood-style.  While the majority of the two vampire worlds might be seen as less than peaceful, these two figureheads are held up as proof of politically correct blood-flavored sustenance for all.

#3 thing wrong with America: We still don’t have affordable universal healthcare.

America: We’re working on it man, give us some time, like a handful of years or so.
Vampires: Heal themselves.  Stupid self-healing vampires.

#4 thing wrong with America: We’re a lethargic, politically impotent, narcissistic bunch.

America: Quiet, Glee’s about to start.
Vampires: Way faster/stronger/quicker than humans, politics vary by vampire mainstay, and why yes, vampires are quite narcissistic.  Hey you probably would be too if you possessed eternal youth (@MrsKutcher I’m looking at you).

#5 thing wrong with America: We boast an untenable consumerist lifestyle.

America: Haven’t you heard of the Green Movement?  And what about the new iPhone, makes me want to toss my old one in the toilet just so I can get a new one!
Vampires: Some of us have been around and under the radar since before Jesus.  That has to say something.

#6 thing wrong with America: We idolize Paris Hilton instead of Toni Morrison.

America: Toni who?
Vampires: Have become an object of idolization, distracting our already ADHD-prone population even further (Edward!).  But in their own little vampire-written worlds, vampires are worldly fellows, (mostly because they’ve had centuries to become worldly, but worldly nonetheless).

And so as I near the end of my list of things that are wrong with America (obviously I could go on), I realize that vampires, at best, are a self-consciously constructed foil for ourselves.  American culture is still breaking out of slash feeling guilty for our Puritan roots; vampires are hedonists to a T.  And therefore, perhaps the way in which we portray these demons of the night heavily correlates to the way our own demons would like to act in the night (or day for that matter).  Other times, we hold our vampire figments up to a pedestal longingly gazing at them as they drain/glamour/suck whatever it is we constructed them to drain in the first place.  Sometimes I wonder if the vampires are having identity issues; good vampire one second, bad vampire the next.  Luckily, most of them are pretty good actors.

And so there you have it.  Vampires represent all that is evil about America?  Kind of.  Pop culture oozing all that is socially repressed into your favorite fad-of-the-moment fantasy box set?  On sale now.

And what is boobquake you ask? It’s McCreight’s tongue-in-cheek challenge to Iranian cleric Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi who surmised that Iran’s recent run-ins with earthquakes were the blame of … well I’ll just let you read it: “Many women who do not dress modestly … lead young men astray, corrupt their chastity and spread adultery in society, which (consequently) increases earthquakes.”

McCreight’s response: “Time for a Boobquake.” In her now notorious post, “In the name of science, I offer my boobs,” McCreight pledges that she will wear the low-cuttiest top she has on Monday April 26, 2010 (hereafter Boobquake Day) and challenges other women to do the same. And the Double XX’s have responded in droves (and some XY’s as well). When I RSVPed to the Facebook event this morning, about 44 thousand (now 60) had said they would show off their boobs, moobs, A cups and Montag’s to either put Mr. Sedighi’s claims to breast, or cause the boobiest clash of plate tectonics ever! It’s the best use of post feminist blogging breast power I think I have ever seen, and that’s saying something!

Well I don’t know about you, but I think that my A cups can contribute a slight tremor to the cause, perhaps yours can too, and together we can solve this immodesty earthquake puzzler once and for all.

Here's Lookin @ You Kid

Well, I’m rather important aren’t I? Me and my musings of men as pistachios, Lindsay Lohan and her feud with (insert appropriate punch line here), the guy who tweets for @jesus, we’re all gonna be stored in some server alongside the Federalist Papers, and it’s gonna mean something.

Why you ask? Well perhaps it’s time to take a step out of your bubble and put things in perspective. How history and sociality as we know have been unquestionably altered by the Internet and all the technologies that have accompanied it.  Embrace this democratization of history fueled in large part by the Internet and further enfranchised by a magical little thing called a weblog.  Thank you weblog, oh have you adapted and grown with time.  You little digital chameleon you.

So it is the micro-blog, the anorexic sonnet, the 140 keystrokes of madness, which has captured the attention of the Library of Congress (they’re not archiving public Facebook pages now are they?).  And some decry privacy, but really bud, what are you doing publicly tweeting your hygiene habits if you didn’t want the Library of Congress digesting them?  You obviously didn’t take this whole “world wide web” nonsense seriously.

This announcement is part of a larger web capture project snapshotting the read-write web during soon-to-be historical events, it’s like real-time history and I dig it man, I mean I totally excavate it.  It helps provide contextual focus to my digitally desensitized life.   Turns out, this whole Internet, social networking site, iPhone revolution thing might really actually have a place in history (insert appropriate technological tool for holding words here) some day.  And while tweeting whatever it is you tweet about, chuckling at @shitmydadsays, and shoving a thought into 140 characters might seem pedestrian to some, the historical record has decided otherwise.

My one reservation however, is the validation this will give all the self-absorbed SNS-ers I so often lampoon.  Do we really need to further fuel the swellheadedness that so many turn to Twitter and Facebook to grandstand? Perhaps it will just give future history readers a whole lot more to read about, infinitesimal tweetings on the cave wall.

What kind of implications does this participation in social networking sites (SNS) have for romantic relationships? Tons. With SNS’s being as rampant as they are, at some point or another, issues like friend requests, wall posts and the ever-so-abhorred “relationship status” conundrum will arise. Your love interest will eventually find out you have SNS and might even look at your SNS before asking if they can. And what to do, how to react? It wasn’t always this bad.

Sometimes I am nostalgic for the Rolling Stone Ages, a romantic time when SNS’s didn’t exist. It was a time where “stalking” was thought to mean driving by one’s house at night to see if they’re home. A time when one person could court another by calling a landline and leaving a message on an answering machine, if the other person even had one! Now I can’t help but wonder if this spread of SNS and its corresponding “socially active” side effects have profoundly affected the way that we conduct our interpersonal relationships.

As reported by another brilliant MobLoSo writer, Facebook (a particularly ubiquitous form of SNS) has now overtaken Google as the most highly trafficked website. That means more people are surfing the social happenings of their exes and current love interests than searching for asinine items on the world’s most formidable search engine. And so our dirty laundry is even more likable and poke-able by all. It’s as if we’ve uploaded and broadcasted a pictorial narrative account of our little black book (hereafter LBB) through which our Uncle Mildred, Aunt Ted, best friend Sarah, ex-boyfriend Sam, and potential love interest Paul can rifle. Great for knowing whom I was dating in 2007. Superb.

Now if you, like me, feel that is important to keep your bedroom SNS free while still being “socially active,” that perhaps SNS brings with it a certain itchy side effect, jealousy, then I might have the cure for you! Here are some suggestions you might entertain the next time you break out the little black dress (hereafter LBD) and go on out a date with someone from your LBB.

1. Watch for the immediate Facebook friend. It doesn’t look good if you get a friend request 58 seconds after (or before) your first date. Hello desperate.

2. Lock and password protect your cell phone, Blackberry, iPhone, et cetera. You wouldn’t think people would stalk through them…

3. Same with your Macbook. Seriously people. You think I’m joking.

4. Don’t jump to uploading the couple pics. Take a commit-o-phobe, add public picture posting and get ready for a blender full of passive-aggressive picture de-tagging.

5. Do not make SNS a bigger deal than it has to be. Before there was SNS, people just called each other, necked it in the back of El Caminos, and those days are not necessarily behind us.

That should be a good start. Just remember that SNS doesn’t have to define your romantic relationships, and that it’s okay to be “socially active” in or out of a relationship. Also remember that it’s easier than ever to get your hands on someone else’s LBB so take care to password protect and respect others’ privacy, if such a thing exists in Mark Zuckerberg’s awe-inspiring petri dish of a mind.

My favorite sound bite from the interview is when she decries her friends for being obsessed with taking pictures when they’re out and about and then uploading them to Facebook, and how she thinks that they’re not really enjoying the moment because they’re too busy documenting it. Now unfortunately, I’m forced to give Ms. Miley an iota of credit here. Yea, we ‘Mericans are kind of obsessed with documenting the moment and uploading said documentation to our social networking site of choice. But the photo exhibitionism Miley… it has roots. And it has reason.

You see America is an interesting country, we’ve never really had true royalty to emulate. Instead we pick people like Bill Gates, Michael Jordan, Oprah, Angelina Jolie and unfortunately Miley, you. We see pictures of you getting photographed by paparazzi at parties, walking down the street, and we think “Gee, that looks like fun. I wanna be famous too.” And luckily, websites like Facebook and Twitter allow us an outlet with which to showcase our narcissism. And I know that’s a big word, go to Dictionary.com to look it up if you want, oh wait, the Internet is lame. I forgot.

So maybe it would be good of you to remember that not everyone is famous and we can’t all have Billy Ray as our pops, and so maybe we like taking pictures or posting Twitter updates. Or maybe you should just stop giving people advice about things your pretty little head will never understand.

It’s a site where the statistics are relevant and the digest is edible. Nirvana in a word. Well today’s bit of Buddha concerns the newest generation on the scene to hit the SNS, The Millennials. They (we, let’s be honest here) are the most racially diverse generation to come around these parts and also the most wired. A bit more single, more tolerant, less religious (save me Jebus?), and generally more liberal. Also a generation that inexplicably puts more faith into institutions (wait isn’t religion an institution?) than Gen Xers and Baby Boomers. We came of age right around the year 2000 and now our bildungsroman can be viewed on any Facebook NewsFeed or Twitter RSS. Score.

We sleep with our cell phone, or at least 83% of us do. And we just might be the smartest generation to ever hit ‘Merica, which is kind of funny because I’m not sure if we’ll use it for much. One day, we’ll look back and tell our kids about the Reza-pression of ought 8 (Recession + Depression smushed together) and say,

“When I was your age, I was living through the Greatest Reza-Pression that our country has ever known. It was awful. Everyone lost their job and surfed YouTube all day.”

Well how do YOU know if you’ve caught Millennial? Luckily Pew’s here to save us again, Bless Pew! They’ve gone and created a “How Millennial Are You?” Quiz, and boy oh boy is it a doozy! Go ahead and click on over to the 14-item quiz. Do you tattoo? Bless Pew! And things of that nature, 14 items designed to tell you just how Millennial your tumor is. I’ve got a rough case, a 91. I even took it twice to be precise. So if you’re worried about a Millennial epidemic, saunter on over to Pew, input your values and await the prognosis. Things could get serious. People might join SNS in the masses and elect a Democratic president… wait.

The original pioneers of Facebook etiquette were either smart little ivy-munchers or Keystone Light keg-standing coeds, how’s that for a juxtaposition?  Well I happened to be the latter (go Buffs!) and have now celebrated about 5 and a half years on the book.  I figured because it is their birthday month, I would compile a little list of things I miss about the old Facebook.

1. There was only one photo: Just a profile picture.  You could pick the hottest photo of yourself possible and use it to signify you, and nobody would be the wiser because there were no other pics with which they could compare.

2. The Ghetto Wall: Facebook’s first wall was a messy text box and people didn’t use it too much, mostly because it didn’t work so well.  Then one day in 2005, they started separating comments out by the user and attaching a profile picture to it.  That’s when the wall really blew up.  When people could see their faces on other people’s walls.  Kind of like the digital equivalent of peeing on something (or someone) to mark your territory.

3. The Spring Break and Summer Break boxes: Facebook used to provide little text boxes for coeds to brag to other coeds about where they were spending their holidays.  St. Bart’s, Mexico, the Hampton’s, college kids really do live the life.

4. Virtual Playground: Facebook used to be our space.  Space to post subversive pictures and use swear words (not as if that has really stopped), but it was our own little hedonistic playground.  Mom and Dad didn’t really know what it meant.  Employers had to have a little snitch-like intern with a college email address to stalk potential applicants.  It was a safe time be on the book.

5. The Media Scare Stories: Next on Fox News, How Facebook is Assuring that Your Children Will Never Find Work or Be Elected Mayor, Ever.  That was the image that was cultivated in the media.  And because adults didn’t really know what Facebook was, they swallowed it up.  Facebook: killing your opportunities, one friend request at a time.  And while it did semi-curb our cavalierness, Facebook was still our place.

6. Mom didn’t have a Facebook account.

7. … Neither did grandma.

8. You could specify that you were looking for Random Play: You can no longer select Random Play in the Looking For box.  They replaced it with ”Networking,” how PC Zuck, I expected better of you!

9. No FarmVille or Mafia Wars: Three words (well, plus a contraction): I DON’T CARE!

10. Not as many shady privacy settings: Facebook was so busy trying to accommodate the vast number of new users, they didn’t have time to log all your info, those days are long gone.

11. No memes: Who cares if it’s doppelgänger week or Urban Dictionary Week.  It was a little cute at first but then it gets annoying faster than you can hit the Hide button.

12. No NewsFeed: Thanks NewsFeed for telling my five hundred and thirty two friends that I am no longer in a relationship.  I really appreciate all the people that “Like” that I’m wallowing in my own tears.  And I’m also really glad Aunt Sherri can see that Alex Kanzler removed “beer bongs” from his interests because now they will have SO much more to talk about on Thanksgiving.  Thanks.

And so there you have it.  Some things for which this Facebook veteran misses about the good ole days.  Or maybe things for which this college grad misses about her college years.  Unfortunately/Fortunately for me, Facebook defined a significant part of my college years.  We were just excited and occasionally intoxicated eighteen-year-olds with a new cool social networking site and a sense of digital empowerment only a millennial can understand.

Bill Braun of Denver, Colorado admits to tearing up on Sunday during one of the Super Bowl commercials. His girlfriend, Cassie Snow responds by calling him a whiny little bitch.

“He always does this,” she says, ripping at a buffalo wing. “Every little thing and he’s grabbing a tissue. All I wanna do is watch the Saints kick some Super Bowl ass and it’s Reggie Bush here and I wonder where Kim Kardashian is there.”

“It’s just so touching,” Braun says of the Google commercial, “I mean this man goes to Paris and he’s just a student and he meets a French girl. And… they fall in love,” he says collapsing in soft sobs and wiping them with the sleeve of his Reggie Bush jersey.

Snow shakes her head, “You know I’m really getting sick of these gendered Super Bowl ads. No woman wants to see a Google ad of a man wooing a French girl. Women want to drive Dodge Chargers and drink Bud Lights and eat Snicker bars while playing football in the mud.

“It’s enough to make me want to hang up my headband on the whole thing. If I can’t get through the greatest day of the year without that little pansy welling up on me, well then… I don’t know what I’ll do.”

Braun meanwhile flips through an US Weekly in the corner of the couch, dog-earing pages of Kendra Wilkinson and whoever football player she’s married to, “See he’s on the Colts! They’re the blue team. But I like Kim better and so that’s why I’m cheering for the black team…see,” he says pointing at his form-fitting jersey. Snow rolls her eyes and squares herself to the tube, Braun residually sniffles at the heart-warming ad, “Google brought them together and nothing can ever take that away.”

“Yea,” snorts Snow. “Except maybe football.”

Welcome friends, to the age of digital narcissism. You can do just about anything on the Net these days and the face with which you do it becomes crucial to avatar maintenance (no not the blockbuster, the digital representation of one’s self). So what if you’re looking for love, as many of us are? And what if you’re looking for love online?

Well then, step right up and view Exhibit A, “The 4 Big Myths of Profile Pictures” a study done by OKCupid.com, one of your run-o-the-mill online dating sites, no offense Cupid, Ok?

7000 pictures were analyzed seeing just what we find attractive in a potential online mate. Those photographs studied were of people with “average attractiveness,” a metric I’m not sure is extremely qualifiable, but hey, I’ll leave my criticism at the door.

Well turns out that guys really get their CPU’s up when they see a profile pic of the ever so emo “MySpace shot,” (no word if over-excessive eyeliner correlates to this statistic). Men like to see self-portraits of women, pictures of women lying in bed, and finally outdoor pictures.

And women like abs. Though this abdominal affinity wanes with age and flab. Same with cleavage. The older the pair, the less men care. I guess people are just shallow.

Kind of like judging a person by its profile picture.